We all grow up creating an ideal image of a partner that makes up for the shortcomings of our parents. In the honeymoon period at the start of a relationship, everything looks and feels wonderful and we think we have found our ideal partner.
As time goes by, our dream can start to break down and we experience little disappointments that can build up and escalate to resentment and result in a breakup.
Of course, sometimes we pick the wrong partner and we are oblivious to all the signs right in front of us because we so much want them to be the one.
On the other hand, sometimes we are in a good relationship, but at times it feels like a murky one, trying to survive day by day in a cloud of misunderstandings. And so the drama begins.
Female vs male energy
The male energy (he) desires to be competent. He needs the reassurance that he is good enough and that he is trusted to achieve the best possible outcome. It doesn’t matter how well you cook if you show him disapproval, which will actually make him feel like giving up.
The female energy (she) desires to be loved and feel secure, emotionally and/or financially. When she doesn’t get it, she will go over the top doing chores to prove her worth and, when that doesn’t work, she will grow anger, resentment and shut down.
So how can you ensure your efforts are appreciated and don’t fall on deaf ears? There are 5 ways you can demonstrate your love.
Usually, we demonstrate love in the same we'd like to receive it. However, your partner may express love in a different way.
When there is a mismatch between the way you and your partner demonstrate your love for each other, you can feel there is a lack of love in the relationship.
However, when there is love, when you are willing to nurture your partner expecting nothing in return, but feel unloved, the truth is simply that you are expressing your love in different ways. Therefore you may be completely overlooking his demonstrations of love, or even be despising them.
That's why it's important to know which demonstrations of love you both appreciate, so you can put your effort where it matters the most to your loved one.
Giving for the sake of giving is a waste of energy. Giving what the other person appreciates is the positive energy of happiness.
The 5 ways you can show love
Communicating your love and appreciation daily will be noticed, and you can do it with the spoken word or in writing. There is something special about finding an ‘I love you’ or ‘Thank you’ message next to your coffee cup, especially when it says why.
2. Quality time
Giving your undivided attention is always appreciated. You can cook together, have a dinner date or go away for a weekend. The point is to have time alone to share and communicate your current needs, desires and plans for the future.
3. Thoughtful gifts
A gift is worth a thousand words, from a bunch of flowers or aftershave to a tablet or a car. When you are thoughtful giving something that will make a positive impact in their life, you will definitely bring a smile to their face. If you make it a surprise, provided they like surprises, you get bonus love points!
4. Acts of service
Actions speak louder than words. This is not about what you are ok doing for your partner. It is about the burden your partner wishes most off their shoulders. You don’t have to guess, simply ask what you could do to make their life easier and do it. Maybe it´s household chores (vacuuming, the dishes, grocery shopping), responsibilities (going to the parents’ evening, walking the dog, switching suppliers) or giving your expertise on a professional struggle.
5. Physical touch
As human beings, we all need connection. Different cultures have different behaviours of what is considered appropriate or correct. Demonstrations of affection can be hand-holding, hugs, touching the arm or a pat on the back in a conversation. Loving touch is calming and reassuring.
The bottom line is everyone dances to the music of love in their own style. Knowing what demonstrations of love you both prefer, allows you to give each other want you most need, want and appreciate, only leads to happiness rather than giving what you think the other one needs and feel frustrated and unappreciated.
Be aware of what your style and your partner’s are so you can tune in to your relationship and make it better.